Category: Truth Tuesday

Truth: Companion

by ShethChristianity / Life / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Companion

When someone sees me with my Bible open in front of me they always comment how tiny it is and my reply is something like, “I bought it when I had 21 year-old eyes and could see the print much easier.  Now I have to really work to see the words.”  I’ll hold the book up to my face and squint my eyes ever-so-dramatically to show what it’s like when I read.

I bought this little travel Bible before I went on my first mission trip to Kosovo in 2001 and it’s ventured with me ever since.  Together we’ve ‘hopped the pond’ multiple times, been way down south in Mexico, and even further in to South America.  We’ve made a round trip drive of the Al-Can highway and we’ve spent solitary time in the Valley of the Gods in Utah.  Within five weeks we traveled roughly 26,000 miles through 36 states as I went through a career-crisis and attempted to be a semi-truck driver.

On all of these trips and adventures I’ve brought this Bible with me, but to be honest, even though I had it with me I never read it that much.  I would pull it out now and again, briefly read a short passage or just one verse, and tuck it back into my suitcase.  If anything, I would return to my favorite verses or passages and re-read them, but I would never be in deep study – highlighting and making notes – with this book.

Truthfully, this little Bible has been less about the words that it contained and more about the promise that it held: the promise that God will always be with me.  In all those lonely times, in those times of fear, in those times of desperation and feeling lost, God and this little book have been my constant companions.

I don’t know where we’ll head to next (truthfully, this adventure to the Lone Star State has been a big enough ride for a while), but I keep it with me and hold tight to the promises it holds on my life.  May God always remain close to us in the travels we go on in body, in spirit, and in heart.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Iffy

by ShethChristianity / Life / Quotes / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Iffy

One of the greatest things I’ve discovered in seminary is that among all these future pastors, chaplains, ministers, and leaders, there isn’t a perfect person in the whole bunch.  We’re a little scared of the future, occasionally haunted by the past, continually doubting, and constantly self-criticizing.  We wonder why we were called, whether we’re good enough, how we’re going to make it, and we question if we can even do this work.  We are broken again and again by what we see in the world and we wonder if we can make one iota of a difference.

When I was an adolescent, I had only witnessed pastors and church leaders in their finest moments – proclaiming the word from the pulpit; volunteering to build churches in Mexico; hosting casserole-laden, non-alcoholic potlucks; speaking only positive and uplifting words to the downtrodden.  In my eyes pastors were these great, holy, infallible people who could do no wrong and whom everybody loved.

I never witnessed the brokenness that those pastors experienced.  I never witnessed their crumbling relationships, their mountains of doubt, their fear and frustrations, their depression, their nagging physical ailments, their “iffy-ness”.

I’m no different from my classmates.  I admit that I feel so unworthy to be here and think I will never be prepared enough to go into the work for which I am preparing.  If, for a minute, I step back and think about who I was and what I’ve done in my past, I quickly realize that I’m not the greatest person to be doing this.  There must be someone better than me out in this great big world that is more deserving and better prepared for this than I am.

I suppose I’m writing all of this to tell you the truth about me – and about your pastors, your leaders, your chaplains, your missionaries, your seminarians – we are all just as frail, fragile, broken, scared, unworthy, and doubtful as you are.  And we need each other to make it through this world; your pastors and leaders need your endless love, your unconditional acceptance, and your unwavering support as much as you need theirs.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Words

by ShethChristianity / Essay / Quotes / Truth Tuesday / WritingLeave a Comment on Truth: Words

I’m not proud of it, but I must admit that there are times when I’m really good at tearing people down.  Sometimes I’m mad at the person and will intentionally say something mean or rude that cuts deep and will emotionally wreck them.  And sometimes, in a moment of playfulness, I’ll say something that is taken the wrong way and wounds the hearer.  In the aftermath of both cases I always feel miserable and plead for forgiveness, relationships are mended, and we (hopefully) move on.

This tongue in my mouth can lift people up, or bring them down.  It can encourage or discourage.  It can say something nice, or it can say something mean.  A friend of mine has recently been reminding me that I am in charge of my own body – and this includes my tongue as well, and the words I say.  I am responsible for what exits my mouth.

There’s a certain safety in hiding behind the screen and pecking out some words, some comments, about anything and everything that we come across on the internet.  In an age where we can say anything we want on the internet, it can be easy to let that spill out into real life where people are actually in front of us.  I try to refrain from making any comments online about anything – good or bad – because what I perceive as a joke may not come across as such.  What I perceive as a compliment may not be heard that way.

Both on-screen and off-screen I need to be more attuned to the words I speak, the words I choose to use, the comments I choose to make.  Will what I say uplift the hearer?  Will my words make the situation better?  Will this comment add to something good?  Is this the appropriate time to say this?  Do I need to say this?  Can I find something better to say?  Am I making a positive deposit in this person’s life?  It can be a challenge to wrestle with all these questions in the middle of a conversation, but it’s worthwhile.  If anything, I ask myself what I would want to hear if I were in the other person’s shoes, and then say those words.

Choose good words, my friends, and lighten up this world.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Blinded

by ShethChristianity / Life / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Blinded

Over the weekend, riots in Nicaragua claimed at least 24 souls; a suicide bombing in Afghanistan killed more than 55 people; 4 people were killed by gunfire in Chicago. Not a peep from my lips to the Lord’s ears about any of this.

Sunday morning, April 22, Travis Reinking pulled into a parking lot in Nashville, Tennessee and began shooting, killing four people and injuring at least two others. The news was a blip on my radar that day as I rushed to finish my studies before going to a campus-wide celebration of Earth Day.

Yesterday, April 23, Alek Minassian drove a white rental van down the sidewalk of Yonge Street in Toronto, Ontario, killing (at the time of this writing) ten people and injuring at least fifteen. I winced hearing the report on my car radio as I was driving to the store. I said a quick prayer, and in the same breath, I yelled at the car in front of me for not reacting quickly enough as the light turned green.

Truthfully, I’m disgusted with myself because I don’t bother to acknowledge the lives lost anymore. I don’t pray against the violence in the world, nor do I intercede for the fearful, the tormented, the mourners, the orphans and widows. I don’t cry out as did the prophet Habakkuk, “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence! but you do not save?” (Habakkuk 1:2, NIV)

Over the years I’ve heard countless reports of massacres, shootings, wars, rapes, assaults, abductions, molestations, and genocides. I’ve witnessed, first hand, injustice, food deserts, war zones, child abuse, failing mental healthcare, crumbling schools, and abject poverty. I’ve met souls wrecked by fear, abuse, pain, brokenness, silence, bitterness, and loneliness.

The onslaught I have been witness to has numbed me: I have contracted tunnel vision. As long as nothing happens in my life’s tiny bubble, things are okay. I may occasionally give a cursory nod to the outside world’s troubles, but it rarely goes beyond that. I am no longer disturbed by the evil in this world. Violence is laying claim on my life as a fatality.

Today I pray that I can once again be shaken and broken by the world around me. I pray that I can recognize the evil in this world. I pray that I can cry out against the wrongs committed. I pray that the blinders I have put on may be removed. I pray that I can see; and not only see, but act, and help this world to overcome violence’s grip on life.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Monks & Burros

by ShethChristianity / Relationships / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Monks & Burros

With an overabundance of humility, I’d like to say that most days I’m the monk in this poem: reaching out to those around me, making their lives a little better, and spreading love where it’s needed most.  I’d like to think I’m giving my best to this world and am embodying Mark 12:31 in loving my neighbor as I love myself.

But, as my pride comes crashing down, I have to admit that most days I’m the burro.  I need someone to reach out to me and ask me how I’m doing.  I need someone to look me in the eyes and see the honest answers to the tough questions.  I need someone to help me with these heavy loads I’m carrying.

The unfortunate truth is that I tend to keep my ‘stuff’ to myself because I don’t want to lay it on someone else.  I maintain my identity as a beast of burden because I see how much ‘stuff’ other people have in their own lives and I don’t want to add to their load.  In my mind it’s a noble act, but it’s also destructive.  I can only travel so far before exhaustion sets in and the weight becomes too much to bear.  In my desire to be the best monk I can be, I turn into the burro over time.

Perhaps that’s why I cherish this poem so much: at any point in my life I can relate to one of the characters.  I’ll go through periods of ‘monk-ness’ where I can be the one who loves and cares for others.  And on the opposite side of the same coin, I can go through periods of ‘burro-ness’ where I need others to care for me, to love me, and to ease my burdens.

Some days we can bring the pear to the stables and make this life a little better, but some days we need the sweetness of love and freedom brought to us.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Love/Hurt

by ShethChristianity / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Love/Hurt

As a teenager I fell for the Columbia House Music sales pitch – they’d send me 10 free CD’s for one measly, dusty penny! Then, over the course of a year they’d keep sending me CD’s in the mail, and I would only have to pay for the ones I kept. This was an asterisk moment where I should have read the fine print. It turned out that if I opened up a CD and listened to it, I bought it. If I didn’t return a CD within the small window of opportunity, I bought it. And no, I didn’t get 10 CD’s for a penny, that’s ridiculous; I eventually had to pay for them all.

“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”” Mark 12:28-31, NIV

Jesus could not have made it any easier or simpler for us to understand: love the Lord your God; love your neighbor as yourself. It can’t get any straight-forward than that. Love…the good, beautiful, nice, heartfelt moments…violins slowly rising in the background as two friends, brothers, or partners enjoy one another’s presence as they walk down the sidewalk together.

Looking at this verse from Mark, I feel like this is also an asterisk moment. On the outset of reading this passage, it sounds really wonderful. Anyone can love! Love God, love my neighbor, love myself – it’s all sunshine, Spider-Man face paintings, churros, and orange sodas. Seriously, sign me up!

But there’s a lot of other stuff that comes with this love. Being called to love is being called to hurt. Sadly, sometimes the churros aren’t covered in sugar, the orange sodas are warm, the sun is blocked out by gray clouds, and the face painter packed up and went home hours ago. This partner to love – hurt – is not something that I enjoy. Truthfully, I don’t like experiencing hurt and pain and rejection, but I suffer through it because I’m called to it.

The difficulty in loving others is that I’m bound to get hurt – and get hurt a lot. I wrestle with whether or not to take on this love and the accompanying hurt. Is it better to not love, to not hurt, to not be heartbroken again and again? I can reject this call and live my life for myself, avoiding the bad and seeking out only the good.

But this love/hurt is something I choose to accept. I choose to put myself in the messy chaos of it all because I want to be there with others. I want to love, and I’ll take the hurt that comes with it. Some days I’ll eat churros with lots of cinnamon sugar, some days I’ll eat them plain, and some days I won’t be able to even find the churro cart. In the moments of hurt I’ll still be living out the greatest call on my life – to love.

much love. sheth.

Truth: I’m Not Australian.

by ShethLife / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: I’m Not Australian.

A month before my thirteenth birthday my family and I moved from the suburbs of Denver to a small mountain town three hours away.  Three hours from my friends, my classmates, my church – everyone I knew was now seemingly gone.  This was in the dawning of the internet so I didn’t have an email address, cell phones were still rare and reserved for the rich, and long-distance calls were charged by the minute.  Contact with those I knew and loved was reserved to mailing a letter and my relationships quickly faded.

Moving is difficult for any child, regardless of age, but it was really bad timing for me: I was entering my teens, starting a new school (junior high, no less), and I didn’t know anyone outside of my family.  We moved early that summer in hopes that my brother and I would be able to make some friends before school, or that we would at least be able recognize some people.  My brother was heading into the 10th grade and outgoing; I, on the other hand, was rather shy and not sure how to make friends.

Early on I decided that I needed a hook: I needed something that would make me stand out in a good way.  I needed to make myself cool, hip, and exciting; I needed to do something to make me not me.  In my old school  I wasn’t cool, memorable, or part of the ‘in crowd’, but I realized this small-town school was a fresh start for me.  No one knew my background, no one knew where I grew up – no one knew me!  I could be whoever I chose to be; all I needed to do was come up with a new persona and perfect it in those two months before school started.

I came up with the dumbest idea, but in my adolescent mind it was brilliant: I would be from Australia.  If I worked on a passable accent and spent some time in the library reading about my new motherland I figured this would be my way in – I would be the cool kid from a foreign country.  But my only access to foreign accents, specifically Australian accents, was from renting one of the Crocodile Dundee movies, Yahoo Serious’ seminal film, ‘Young Einstein’, or catching a Foster’s beer commercial on television.  And the small-town library was severely lacking in information about the land down under.

But along with my determination of not being me came the attention span of a budding teenager.  While I was focused in my makeover during the first few weeks, my plan quickly fizzled out as I began to explore the small town; I discovered that there was so much more to do than trying to become Australian.  I entered 7th grade as me, and while I never gained that Aussie accent, I did survive those initial awkward days (and years) and I met some wonderful people who I consider my life-long friends.

The truth is this: even in my late 30’s I still try to put on masks and be someone I’m not.  I think it’s fairly common for us to portray a version of ourselves that we think others will like because we want to be liked.  I desire acceptance and approval, and I seek the acknowledgement that others see me, recognize me, and like me.

But in seeking this approval, I am giving up who I am and all of the good that I am.  When I hide who I truly am, I deny the world this gift of me.  The world doesn’t need another fake person; the world doesn’t need another person who fits into the mold – someone who looks and acts like everyone else.  The world needs Sheth – with all my jokes, laughter, compassion, flaws, failures, and shortcomings.  The Creator made me this way because I needed to be this way.  The world needs me as I am, not as I think I should be.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Love

by ShethChristianity / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Love

As desperately as I want to love God, and as willing as I am to love others, when the mirror is placed in front of me and I’m staring at myself, I wrinkle my nose and I turn away.  I find it easy to love my neighbor – my friends, my family, the person walking down the street – but it’s difficult to love myself.

The truth about me is that I don’t love myself most of the time.  I don’t feel worthy of my own love.  And if I don’t feel worthy of my own love, how could I possibly feel worthy of someone else’s love?  I have internalized words I’ve heard said about me from some time in my past, and these ghostly voices keep speaking to me.  I have heard these messages for so long that they are almost like elevator music in my own heart, faintly, continually playing in the background.

And this is detrimental to my desire to serve God, because if I really want to love others, I have to believe that I am loveable.  How can I give away something that I don’t really have a grasp on in the first place?  How can I tell people how much they are loved if I don’t believe it myself?  How hypocritical it is of me to whisper in my friend’s ear that she needs to love herself when I don’t even do it myself!  It’s easy to recognize the problem in other people’s lives, but it’s more difficult to look inward and see what the problem is in our own hearts.

This quote from Carl Jung shook me up recently: “What if you discovered that the least of the brethren of Jesus, the one who needs your love the most, the one you can help the most by loving, the one to whom your love will be the most meaningful – what if you discovered that this least of the brethren of Jesus…is you?”

I need to do for myself what I would do for others, and more importantly, I need to look at myself the way God looks at me.  How pompous of me to grade myself on a rubric that is more strict than the one my Lord grades me on!  I need to be as loving, compassionate, gracious, and forgiving of myself as God is towards me.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Unfriendly Friends

by ShethChristianity / Life / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Unfriendly Friends

I have to memorize and practice my Lord’s Day presiding stuff.  I have to start researching for a paper on my liturgical tradition.  When do I need to renew my car insurance?  I have to finish filling out my FAFSA.  I have to finish my Genesis exegesis presentation.  I have to come up with an exegetical paper topic.  Should I call my parents and see how my grandma is doing today?  I have to talk to the financial aide office about student loans.  I have to read and post a reply for my New Testament class on the discussion board.  Did I make my car payment this month?  I have 117 pages to read for theology by Thursday.  I have to talk with my brother about working with him this summer.  I have to read who-knows-how many pages for worship.  I have to figure out what I’m reading for New Testament.  Did I eat dinner last night?  I have to download the readings for exegesis.  I have to begin my final project for worship.  I have to email my theology professor and ask him to talk about the test in our colloquy.  I have to figure out what books I need for Greek this summer.  I have to contact my presbytery.  Did I send a thank you note to Mike and Sheila?  I have to look at what classes I need to take next fall.  I have to get my car into the shop soon.  I have to be awake and get to chapel.  I have to reply to the 4 emails I received in the past 20 minutes.

*****

This is the track listing to the album that is playing in my mind this week.  The tightness in the back of my neck, lack of sleep, and feeling like I should be doing something – always doing something – tells me that my old friends Stress, Anxiety, and Worry have come for a visit.

I know I should throw open my bible and read scripture, like Matthew 11:28, Psalm 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7, or Joshua 1:9.  And as I read these verses, do you know what happens?  Nothing.  I’m not finding rest, I’m not finding peace.  I don’t feel a little comforted, somewhat relieved, or even slightly un-burdened.  Am I reading these texts correctly?  Am I listening to the right music as I read these verses?  Am I a bad Christian?  Is my faith dwindling?  Crap…more things to worry about.

I don’t really think that any of these verses are some kind of magical spell that can solve all my problems, remove my feelings, and brighten my day with a quick read.  I think they point to a life that can have moments – days, weeks, months, even years – of comfort, safety, ease, and peace; all those feelings we want so much in this life.  But the text doesn’t say that we will always remain in those places.

Granted, God could take care of everything on my list in a nanosecond, but what good would it do me to not face all of these problems, struggles, and schoolwork?  No, God won’t take all of this away from me.  In this moment I’m called to act: to ‘be’ brave and ‘cast’ my worries; to ‘go’ to God and ‘take’ His yoke; to ‘let’ the peace of Christ rule my heart as I ‘humble’ myself before the Lord.  I don’t think this is a moment for me to be still, but instead it is a moment for me to take action alongside God.

I know I will whittle away at this list this week…and next…and the one after that.  I know these things will pass, and I know things will get better.  And I know, too, that the track list will build back up.  But I know that God is right here with me in all of this mess, and that most of this is just stuff I have to deal with.  I know I’ll get through this, and if you’re in this valley with me, rest assured that you’ll get through it, too.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Judgment

by ShethChristianity / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Judgment

For someone who hates being judged by others, I find myself being very judgmental.  I make split-second decisions about others based on the limited information I have about them, and (here’s the part that I really dislike) I leave it at that.  I hold on to my initial judgment and keep these people at a distance because my initial judgment keeps them there.

How silly of me to assume that my judgment is correct when it’s been proven time and again to be completely incorrect.  I’ve been lucky to have been able to get to know people who I previously pigeon-holed, and I’ve discovered them to be truly wonderful people; some of them I cherish more than they will ever know.

While I tend to keep people at a distance, my assumptions keep them at that distance.  I rarely go deeper into other people’s lives to understand who they truly are, and what makes them special and unique.  It’s safer to keep them at a distance than for me to be proven wrong.  How many great people have I kept away because of my initial judgment?

Certainly I may come to find out that we have conflicting personalities, but I need to work to that point instead of relying on my primary judgments.  Financier and philanthropist Bernard Baruch once said, “If you get all the facts, your judgment can be right; if you don’t get all the facts, it can’t be right.”  While Baruch may have been talking about investments, his idea can easily be applied to people and relationships.  I need to give people time – I need to sit down with them, I need to share a meal with them, and I need to know them – I may well find some great people along the way.

much love. sheth.