Category: Truth Tuesday

Truth: Flying Solo.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Love / Relationships / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Flying Solo.

.In order to shut my mind down at the end of the night, I often imagine myself in certain situations: super-secret spy, lonely drifter, inspirational teacher/coach, or mountain man. This last one tends to capture my interest a lot as I place myself in the wilderness of British Columbia, hundreds of miles from civilization with only a few small items to survive. I usually imagine going to this place to get away from it all and to live my life in peace, seclusion, and quiet.

While my imagination can take with this scenario a thousand different ways, I almost always run into a snag – there are certain times when I need help, either with lifting the beams for my hewn-log cabin, or carrying a moose through the swamplands, or fending off a pack of wolves. As much as I would like to imagine living life in solitude, I still run into the fact that I need others in my life.

I’ve tended to follow this train of thought in my real life as well, “I can do this on my own!” only to realize that a board is too heavy, or my car will fall on top of me, or I can’t face having a difficult conversation alone. The truth is I need people in my life to push me forward, to help me when I need it, to encourage me, to chastise me, to keep me accountable…I can’t do this life alone.

I had a sampling of beer with a friend yesterday and as we were talking about seminary, life, family, and my future, I realized how important this relationship is to me. Over the past week of being back in my hometown I’ve met with seven friends who truly care about me and want to help me succeed. They desire nothing but the best for me and hope I can become the real ‘Sheth’ they know is within me. These relationships move me beyond myself and my selfish thinking (that I can do life alone) and they help me realize that others care deeply about me.

As hard as we try, we need relationships with other people. Recently, I ran across this show “Mountain Men” on the History Channel and it intrigued me for a number of reasons, but mainly that these tough, rugged, scraggly people in remote locations depend on other tough, rugged, scraggly people for their survival. They reach out to one another to hunt, build homes, farm, raise their kids, chase off mountain lions, pick berries, drink wine, laugh, and play games. All people need people.

I’m about to wrap up my time in Salida and probably won’t be back for a few months, but I know I have a large group of people here who will always be there for me, will prod me on in life, and will call me out when needed. And as I return to Austin, I know I have a large group of friends there who will do the exact same thing. I shake my head at my former self for trying so desperately to go at it alone, but now I know the importance of living snd doing life with others.

May God grant us wisdom to reach out for others, and may the Creator place people in our lives who will help us to be who we are meant to be.

much love. sheth.

Truth: In Love.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Love / Relationships / Truth Tuesday1 Comment on Truth: In Love.

I’ve tried to look at myself through God’s eyes, and usually the only thing I can say afterward is, “Ugh…don’t bother.” I know me, the things I’ve done, and the person I am, and I can’t imagine God looking too kindly on me. But the Divine doesn’t have my vision. God knows that I’m not who I think I am – God knows me for who I truly am and keeps close by me: propping me up, giving me food and drink, and helping me through life. God keeps close to me and stays by my side because God loves me – not for anything else, not for any personal gains – the Divine just loves me.

For the past two years my parents and my aunt took care of my grandmother as she lived out her final years in the local nursing home. Essentially a full-time job and taking shifts, the three of them made sure that my grandma’s needs, wants, and desires were met. They gave her more attention, care, and love in one day than most ever receive while coming to the end of their lives in that building. The three of them sacrificed their own wants, their own desires, their own needs for the sake of their mother. They did it because they loved her – not for anything else, not for any personal gains – they just loved her.

Being involved in youth ministry over the years, I have witnessed parents struggle with how to deal with their teenage children. I’ve heard (and continue to hear) countless stories of kids having reckless sex, experimenting with drugs, behavioral issues, academic struggles, broken friendships, betrayal, lies, deceit, manipulation, depression…the list is as long as there are kids in this world. These parents are often at their wit’s end – not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to deal with their children. These parents read books, attend seminars, watch videos, ask questions, and keep their doors (to their houses and their hearts) open for when their kids are ready to return home. They do it because they love their kids – not for anything else, not for any personal gains – they just love them.

I’ve witnessed friendships turn to turmoil as the balance shifts from give and take to just take – one person sapping money, time, and possessions from the other. These friendships were once strong, with each giving and receiving equally with generosity and gratitude, but for whatever reason the relationship devolved into something terrible and greedy. The friend who is taking may not realize that the balance has shifted because there are deeper issues that they’re dealing with. But the giver keeps giving out of love for their friend and hopes that they will return to old times soon. They do it because they love their friend – not for anything else, not for personal gains – they just love them.

Over the past few months I’ve wrestled with love in my own life: I have a friend who became a romance, and while it was well and good, she was not entirely well and good, and wasn’t quite ready for a relationship. As we ended things, I was heartbroken because I had begun to invest my heart in her and had hoped for something more. For me, it’s easiest to end the relationship with a complete omission of that person from my life. But with her, I choose to remain friends and I continue to spend time with her – going to the store with her, meeting her in raggedy bars, studying with her, breaking bread with her, praying with her, discussing books with her, watching bad reality TV shows with her. I remain in her life, and she in mine, because I love her – not for anything else, not for personal gains – I just love her.

Truthfully, love isn’t always hearts and flowers and happy times (though sometimes it is) – usually love is mundane, chaotic and occasionally the undesired things and moments in life. Love is the good and the bad, the ugly and the pretty, the messy and the organized. Love is found in taking care of others, relentlessly holding out hope for the lost, sacrificing self, in waiting, and in being present.

May we love as unconditionally and wildly as we have been loved, and may we never back away from it.

.much love. sheth.

Truth: Breaking Point.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Love / Relationships / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Breaking Point.

I’ve often wondered if Jesus ever got fed up with the disciples.  Did Bartholomew ask one too many questions, to the point that Jesus just got up and walked away?  Was there ever a moment when Jesus actually called out Judas’ for his sticky fingers in the moneybag?  Did Andrew ever ‘flat-tire’ Jesus, thinking it would be funny, but it only annoyed the Master? When Jesus was questioning Pete about the depth of his love, did Jesus need to ask three times, or was it just because the fisherman couldn’t get the concept?

Certainly, most wouldn’t want to read about Jesus snapping at his closest friends because it seems like that wouldn’t be very “Christ-like”.  But we can’t assume that Jesus allowed everyone to walk all over him in his state of love, either.  There must have been a balance – some way to be divinely loving but still humanly emotive.  He must have had boundaries, coping mechanisms, and friends who knew when to back away and recognize that He needed to be left alone.  I think Jesus demonstrated that the choice to love people is, more often than not, a difficult and trying act.

This past spring I had a flood of emotions as I realized just how beautiful, lovely, and amazing everyone around me is – both to me and to God – and I had a small taste of what God sees both in me and in the world.  But lately it’s been exhausting to just love (and love and love and love) in spite of what others say or do.  Little things annoy me with my classmates, my community, and my world.  Big things dig at me and grate at my patience.  I’m living life on the edge (and not the cool, wicked-awesome edge) of snapping.  Lately I have been wondering a few things: how the heck did Jesus just love others without going off the handle?  How do I balance between loving someone but still not having to like someone (is this even possible)?

My life right now in seminary has often been compared to a family…or a workplace…or a marriage…any way you make the comparison, the fact is that we are a group of people incredibly close together.  We are in class together, we are studying together, we are eating together, we are living together, we are going to the Local together…we are always together.  I imagine Jesus and the disciples in a similar situation.  They wandered Galilee like a traveling football team, but without the proper equipment.  They traveled to various towns performing miracles, feeding people, teaching them, giving completely of themselves and sleeping somewhere in the woods at night.

Truthfully, I think Jesus was able to cope with his disciples because he often went off alone.  He took the time to go do things by himself.  The text in Luke says that Jesus, “…would withdraw to deserted places and pray.”  In our minds I think we picture Jesus in benevolence before his father pouring out his heart about the world and the things going on around him – we imagine the divinity of Jesus in this moment.  But if we switch our minds over to thinking of Jesus’ humanity in this moment, the picture somehow changes and he becomes more like us.  Maybe he withdrew to go fishing; maybe he went off to shout and scream and complain about the disciples to God; maybe he went and just drew pictures in the sand; maybe he went for a hike.  Jesus had the weight of the world on his shoulders and the burden of discipling 12 men – he had a lot on his plate!

Jesus never loved any less in these moments – if anything he loved more because he knew he needed that space to re-center himself and his purpose.  If he was going to be useful, helpful, and a good teacher, he knew he needed some solitary time to do things for himself.  I’m sure in these moments he admitted that he didn’t always like the way Philip drank from a well, or was furious when they all argued over who was the greatest disciple, or was frustrated with people following him everywhere and never giving him a moment of peace.  He might not have liked these things, but he still loved the people.

There will be moments when people really annoy us and when we just don’t like others.  I love my friends, but I still have moments when I think I should just ditch them and start over (and I write this knowing they’ll read this, but they’ll understand).  We all have that point where we need to take a break from others and love ourselves.  It’s the most responsible thing to do, honestly, and it keeps relationships alive.  If Jesus – God-incarnate – needed time away from those he loved, I think it’s safe to say that we have permission to do so, as well.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Planning.

by ShethLife / Love / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Planning.

This past weekend I joined my family in laying my grandmother’s remains to rest. She lived 95 incredible years on this earth – growing up in the wake of the Great Depression on dusty farmland in Illinois, raising a family on pennies a day, and traipsing across the country with my grandfather where he worked for the National Park Service in then-remote places like the Grand Canyon, Jackson Hole, and the Grand Tetons.

As I looked out at those in attendance at her service, I realized that there weren’t many people in the seats, but it’s understandable because she out-lived most of her friends. In 95 years she’s seen and done and been to more places than most will ever experience. She witnessed countless wars and recessions, the evolution from small airplanes on this planet to spacecraft on distant planets. She lived as the Supreme Court made gigantic, landmark decisions that changed our country. She saw people born, live their lives, and pass away. In her life on this earth she did more than she ever dreamed, more than she ever imagined, more than she ever hoped.

I was talking with a friend recently about long-term goals in life and neither one of us have ever seriously sat down and made goals because we never expected to live long-term. Both of us had contemplated suicide as youths and assumed that we didn’t need to make those kinds of goals. I was telling my friend about being in my high school career planning classes and having to write down five- and ten-year goals for my future and I couldn’t do it – I never dreamed that far ahead. At the time it seemed pointless and a waste of time. Even now I don’t regret my choice to not make those kinds of plans in life because I was dealing with larger issues than dreaming of the future. I was trying to survive the present.

And truthfully, now it’s a bit of a relief knowing I can do anything. I have no big goals that I have to attain or fail to achieve. The world and my future is wide open. I think that’s the way my grandmother lived her life, too. She didn’t have plans for her life: she went where she chose to go, learned to love the people and places she encountered, and made the best of any situation. No doubt she dreamed about doing things and going places, but she wasn’t let down when she couldn’t. She used her time to enjoy the people and places that were in her presence and didn’t get disappointed with the lost prospect of being somewhere else.

Certainly I have broad hopes and dreams – to be in a loving and committed relationship, serve others with all I have, care for my family…but these are all things I can do at any time. There is no telos to these hopes and dreams; I won’t think, “Well, I’m married. Good work, Sheth. I’m done with that.” I will have to work hour by hour, day by day on that relationship. These hopes and dreams I have are part of my ‘being’ – am I being loving today, am I being caring and compassionate to others, am I being a servant? I’m living my life in the present and doing what I can to enjoy each moment as it happens.

May the Creator of the present give us sight to be present and relish our time.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Nose Goes!

by ShethChristianity / Prayer / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Nose Goes!

When it comes to praying, I’ve noticed that since middle school there’s always been a rush to see who could touch their nose first – the last to do so having to pray in front of the group.  As a shy and introverted teenager I wasn’t always thrilled to pray in front of others and was usually the first to have my index finger on my snout.  But as I’ve grown older and more comfortable in speaking with God, I’m usually the one who ends up praying – partially because my reflexes aren’t as cat-like as they once were, but mostly because I’m okay with praying in a group.

In truth, for me, my faith is one of the few places where I let people into my life to see who I am – I don’t always let people know my personal stuff (family issues, self-doubts, frustrations, loneliness), so to pray in public is fine with me.  I’d rather be vulnerable and stripped bare in my faith than in other places in my life.  I find comfort in being open in my faith because it’s one place where I know others are uncomfortable and feel just as nervous and terrified and unsure about it as I do, and I know that most won’t judge me for where I’m at in the whole thing.

For the most part I think people enjoy and see the necessity to pray to God; what people don’t always relish is praying in front of other people.  There’s a certain amount of vulnerability involved in speaking to our deity and oftentimes we do it in a very naked way.  In those moments of speaking with God we are stripped of all pretenses, all airs of greatness, all pompousness and we are who we really are apart from everything we’ve made ourselves to be.

To be that naked and that vulnerable with other people can be scary.  That’s where I think a lot of people get hung up when praying out-loud – we’re afraid of judgement.  We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, saying something outlandish or improper, not having the right words or phrases, or not being concise.  We’re afraid that someone will judge our way of praying and we feel that it’s better to remain silent than to be vulnerable.

But by praying together, I hope that these moments can be places where relationships can grow and form and strengthen.  In our most bare times do we find our places of connection.  When someone else in a group prays with me I find a bridge to them – they are speaking to the same God and are giving words to the same feelings and thoughts and emotions I may be having.  In those moments I feel most alive, most connected, and least terrified of being alone.  Praying with others puts me on a team, places me in the hearts and minds of others, drawing me into them and they into me.

My friends, may there never be a moment of nose-goes in your prayer lives!  Pray together and be together.  Let us strip away all of our doubts and fears and be open in those moments of speaking with God as one body.  Let us be free of judgement of ourselves and others and let us grow together, fully knowing God and one another.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Existence.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Existence.

During a recent homework session with a few of my friends from my Biblical Greek class, one of my classmates gave me this flash card.  I’m not sure why exactly she gave it to me, but I’ve kept it and it’s been sitting on my desk for about a week.  I’ve been studying it: the Greek itself is correct, as is the English translation, so I’m not sure why she gave it to me.

But as I’ve been looking at it day after day, I’ve come to the realization that, from time to time, maybe we all feel the need to give a card like this to people in our world.  I think we all have moments when we want to reach out to others and have them see us and acknowledge our existence.

I’m a fairly shy person by nature, and I’d rather be a wallflower than the center of attention in almost any situation.  But, I’d still like for people to, at the very least, acknowledge that I am present and that I exist.  It’s one thing to know that people know I’m there, it’s another thing to know I’m ignored completely.  Truthfully, there are many times when I can come and go from a party, a class room, or a church and no one would ever know I was there to begin with; I was a ghost of a person – my existence (outside of my own knowledge) was never made known.

Now, certainly there is a bit of work to do on my part – I need to at least say hello to a few people, chat up someone, make a joke, talk about the weather – but there also needs to be work done by others as well.  We all need to be intentional in finding everyone at a party, at an event, in a classroom, on the street, or in a place of worship.

One of the greatest things I’ve heard from a friend recently was a comment made towards me: “I see you.”  This shook my core because even though I hadn’t done anything at all, she still went out of her way to acknowledge me as a human being and to confirm my existence.  It was a simple gesture that lifted my spirits in a way that few other things had done that day.

These little gestures of seeing can go a long way to make people feel alive: a simple hello to a stranger in the grocery store, a few small coins given to the panhandler on the corner, a genuine question of “How is your day?” to the convenience store clerk, a smile and wave to a neighbor.  These are simple acts that tell others that we see them, that we know they are, and that we know they exist.

May God give us the eyes and voice to witness others’ existence in this fast-moving world, and may others do the same for us.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Complex Simple Sentences

by ShethHome / Love / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Complex Simple Sentences

After 95 years, my grandma moved from this life and into the next, and while expected, it is no less difficult. I’ve cried, prayed, and cried some more. I’ve called or messaged family and friends who needed to be notified. And I’ve thanked the fullness of where she is now for the values she instilled in me and the unending love she gave me.

While it’s difficult to mourn the loss of someone so great, if I were truthful I’d admit that the difficulty I’m having right now is being apart from my family and sharing in the grieving. I could share my stories and memories with my friends here in Texas but it’s not the same; I have to set up the context, describe locations, find pictures of certain items, cars, and breeds of dogs.

If I were with my family I could easily say something like, “Grandma’s cinnamon rolls at the table in Coaldale around Christmas…” and I wouldn’t even have to finish the sentence. Everyone in my family knows what every word in this sentence means, feels like, smells like, and tastes like. While my Texas friends might have a general understanding of cinnamon rolls, being with a grandma, and the feelings surrounding Christmas, to me and my family it’s different.

Our grandma made cinnamon rolls from scratch and when she would serve them the plate would be swallowed up by their size. The warmth was visible from the steam that came off of them as they were straight from the oven, and the scent of cinnamon and butter filled the house. We would get to eat them at least once when we visited, and they would be served with a tall glass of cold milk.

The table where we sat was stained dark and the table itself was thick and sturdy. At the head of the table sat my grandpa, while the rest of the family squeezed in where we could. At the height of family gatherings we would have 15-20 people around a table built for eight. But we didn’t just eat at this table – we played Skip-bo or UNO for hours on end; we planned out hunting trips while poring over topo maps; we shelled peas, shucked corn, and prepped green beans; we drew pictures, decorated Christmas ornaments, and dyed Easter eggs; the adults talked and the kids listened all around this one table.

Coaldale was where my grandparents chose to spend their retirement and they built a house in the hills, far removed from any city. When I would go to my grandparents’ I got to experience ‘country’ life: dirt roads, no traffic, and a slower pace. I would get to be in nature, too: climbing pinion trees, chasing away magpies, stalking deer, and catching lizards. The house itself was different from the houses that were crammed together in the suburbs of Denver: constructed of cut logs, their house had wood floors and ceilings, and was heated by a wood-burning fireplace, but it never felt overly ‘rustic’. My grandpa, dad, and uncles spent hours building this place and took pride in its completion. It was comfortable, warm and inviting, quiet, tranquil, and filled with scents that ranged from cooking ingredients, to my grandpa’s Old Spice after shave, to the fresh spring breezes that brought in the smells of blooming sage and pine.

Holidays were the times when, in spite of everything that may have been going on, my family would always get together; nearly every year I would spend either Christmas or Easter at my grandparents’ house. And we would go to their church – usually on the holiday itself, but if not, then soon before or after; my grandma would always give us grandkids a quarter to place in the offering plate. As a child those holidays held more than just the religious meanings for me. Christmas was filled with presents, hot chocolate, games, sledding, watching TV while laying beside the fireplace, trying to stay awake and listening for any hints as to what I’d be getting as gifts, laughter and smiles, childish fights and scuffles. The Easter weekend would be spent going to town, getting eggs and PAAS egg dying kits and then attempting to craft the best egg we possibly could (my dad usually out-doing everyone with his intricately drawn designs using markers).

All this (and so much more that cannot be described) is wrapped up in the simple and incomplete sentence, “Grandma’s cinnamon rolls at the table in Coaldale around Christmas…” I look forward to being with my family in the coming weeks so we can share in these stories and the memories they hold. Until then, I will rest on my own memory and cherish the unending gifts my grandma gave me.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Gems

by ShethBeauty / Christianity / Life / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Gems

I picked up this rock last week when I was back in Colorado. It’s nothing much, really – a bit of brown rock with a streak of amethyst running through it. I found it in a tailing pile from an old mine, and obviously it wasn’t worthwhile to the person who was digging in those hills long ago – the amount of amethyst and the quality of the stone is negligible.


When I picked it up off the ground I wasn’t sure what to expect because I couldn’t see much through the dirt and dust. I brought this, and a few other little rocks, back to Texas with me and I cleaned them up a bit – I soaked them in soapy water, scrubbed them with an old toothbrush, and I picked off the loose bits that would eventually fall off anyway. The amethyst itself is not showroom quality and it’s not going to win some fancy award from the American Gem Trade Association (it’s a thing).

But I kind of like this little piece of rock. I like that it’s imperfect and mis-shaped. I appreciate that it was a little dusty and covered with eons of life. While it might be appreciated by some and disliked by others, at it’s core – underneath the mess – is where its true beauty lies. If one looks past the jagged edges and rough exterior we can see something beautiful that wants to be appreciated.

This little rock is a lot like me, truthfully; and probably a lot like you. Most of us are not polished and cut to exacting precision. And we’re probably a little dusty. As painful as it may be to say it, we’re probably disliked by a few people. But deep within us, I know that we all have beauty that the world needs to see. We all have our own amethyst that resides at our core and is the true essence of who we really are. As rough and jagged as we may appear to those around us, our gems are aching to come out.

We need to recognize the beauty that is in everyone. We need to look at others knowing that there is a gem inside of them. But first we need to find that beauty within ourselves. We must acknowledge that when we came into being we were beautiful; even now, with the dirt, the dust, and the roughness, we are still beautiful. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.” Within our desert lives there is a well; within the desert lives of others there is a well. And we must find it! We must find it within ourselves and within others, and bring out the beauty that is within all of us. My friends, go and scrub some rocks, give them a little attention, and discover the beauty that is abounding in those around you!

much love. sheth.

Truth: Be You

by ShethChristianity / Life / Relationships / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Be You

Going into seminary, I knew that people would treat me differently, but I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.  And I didn’t expect people to treat themselves differently.  When I was leaving my job last August I had a conversation with one of the truck drivers:

Him: “You sonofabitch, I heard you were leaving the post office!”
Me: “Yeah, I’m going back to school – I’ll be heading to Austin soon.”
Him: “No shit?!  That’s badass…what are you going to be studying?”
Me: “I’m going to seminary to become a pastor in a church.”
Him: “Oh, wow.  How very nice for you.  I am glad to hear that you will be doing that.  May God bless you on this journey.”

The moment I mentioned ‘pastor in a church’, Marty’s entire demeanor changed.  He stooped a little bit, lowered his head, and brought his hands together as if he was going to start praying.  In that instant he changed who he was – from the Marty I knew (swearing, boisterous, crude) – to this new Marty (proper, clean-mouthed, reverent).  And I didn’t like it one bit, either.

 

Honestly, I don’t like this change that people make when they discover I’m going into a church-related field because they suddenly become someone they’re not.  Marty struggles more to not swear than to swear.  People who haven’t prayed in decades suddenly have an urge to say grace over their meal when I join them at their table.  Friends want to tell me that they have a Bible app on their phone and that they’re trying to read it every day.  The cigarettes are hidden, the beer is tucked behind the leftovers in the fridge, and everyone is so polite and loving.  But it’s all a ruse, and I know it is.

The greatest thing you can do for me, and for your friends who are Christians, is just be you.  Don’t try to save face by pretending to be someone you’re not.  I love you for who you are!  I want nothing more than to meet you right where you’re at in life – praying or not, Bible-reading or not, church-attending or not.  Give me the real you and let me love you as you are, not as you think I’d want you to be.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Exhausted

by ShethChristianity / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Exhausted

I finished my first year of seminary this past Friday, and I’m still at 1% – even after three days of rest.  I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.

I expected a certain amount of mental fatigue since this is the first time I’ve taken a full load of classes in over a decade.  I knew there would be a learning curve, not only with the academics themselves, but with re-learning to learn.  How do I read critically again?  How do I skim 175 pages in two days?  What do I highlight and underline?

I even expected the physical exhaustion because using the brain can pull energy away from the rest of your body.  I have had to think abstractly about the filioque, attempt to use what I learned of an ancient language, write a 54 page report, read the book of Revelation with an open mind, and memorize, memorize, memorize.  And I can’t forget the papers I have had to write.  And facts to recall.  And names of long-dead white men.  And the names of living revolutionary Latinas.  And battlefields in France.

But honestly, I didn’t expect the emotional fatigue.  I was told (as most seminarians have been) that I needed to make sure I didn’t lose my faith in seminary.  I get it – I understand how this can ruin people’s beliefs about God, humanity, and creation.  There are times when I have had serious doubts about the whole thing; I’m sure there will be many more in my near future.  But the emotional fatigue comes from two places: first – in finally discovering who I am and who I can be, and second – learning how broken and needy this world truly is.  It’s exhausting to leave class with a broken heart day after day.  It’s exhausting realizing that I didn’t know that much about the New Testament.  It’s exhausting letting go of long-held beliefs.

For now, all I can do is rest.  All I can do is find comfort in God and what the Divine is choosing to do with me.  I don’t have all the answers (and I for sure won’t ever have all the answers).  But I can sit back, put my feet up, and acknowledge that God is doing something amazing with me even in this moment of being at 1%.  I will find my charging station.  I will find my outlet.  I will be provided with occasions to fill up and give out and fill up again.  May God give us opportunities to give until exhaustion and periods to recharge before giving again.

much love. sheth.