Truth: Vulnerable

I hold my cards close to my chest. I don’t share of myself as often as I should because it’s scary for me to be an open book.

But, I’ve found that it’s necessary to be vulnerable with those around me. For me to truly care about others and to love them, I have to allow others to care and love me for who I am – even the parts I am afraid to show.

Walk with me through life and ask me questions; put a little pressure on me and I’ll open up to you. And, be patient with me…I’ll show you my cards eventually!

much love. sheth.

23593507_10102249307936082_3884563000417796067_o

Truth: Bad Christian

I am a terrible Christian. I don’t pray all the time, there are stretches when my Bible isn’t opened, I don’t always give as much as I should. I’m not always nice, my words aren’t always kind, my actions aren’t always as good as they should be.

I’m a stumbling, clumsy, inconsistent Christian. Some days I’m going hard after God, yet most days I’m wandering the trail trying to figure out where I am.

But I’m okay with that. I don’t long to be a saint or a great preacher. I long to be known as a person who loved God, served others, and was trying to grow in his walk. I want to have more victories than defeats.

Truth: Change

I’m not a fan of change. I had to make a big change in coming to school, and it scared me and made me feel super uncomfortable. I had to change everything – friends, cities, brain usage, churches, views (physical and mental), food, local hangouts…the list can go on for days. I still struggle with embracing the change because I’m uncomfortable where I am, but I’m at least embracing the uncomfortable-ness. And that’s a start. Change is hard for almost everyone, and it’s important to recognize that in other people.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Be Me

In my head I’m always comparing myself to others. Especially here at school where I feel like I don’t know anything. I’ve always felt like I’m in competition with others in many aspects of my life – money, cars, education…human stuff. I’m always trying to live up to other people’s standards of the way they live their lives.

Daily I need to remind myself that I’m not in competition with anyone else – I just need to try to make myself better according to His standards and become all that God wants me to be.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Laughter

Most of the talk here at seminary is, surprisingly enough, about God. And most of the time it’s deep and serious. I spend a lot of my time trying to understand God.

Honestly, sometimes when I try to understand God I only end up moving further away from Him. In the middle of all this analysis and intellectualism, I can feel so distant. But what I need to do is just be with God. Being with Him in the way that I am with my friends – eating, talking, and laughing. I forget almost every day about just being with my Lord and sharing a good chuckle.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Afraid

I appear optimistic and confident in most things, but it’s mostly a facade. Honestly, I’m just as scared and terrified and overwhelmed as the next person – not just with this seminary stuff – but in most things in life.

This prayer is one I turn to frequently when life’s road is all jumbled up and messy (nearly every day). I don’t always know what I’m doing with my life; sometimes minute-by-minute I’m floundering. But I keep pressing on toward the goal, hoping I’m heading in the right direction.

From Thoughts in Solitude — Thomas Merton

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

much love. sheth.