Category: Christianity

Christianity

Truth: Nose Goes!

by ShethChristianity / Prayer / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Nose Goes!

When it comes to praying, I’ve noticed that since middle school there’s always been a rush to see who could touch their nose first – the last to do so having to pray in front of the group.  As a shy and introverted teenager I wasn’t always thrilled to pray in front of others and was usually the first to have my index finger on my snout.  But as I’ve grown older and more comfortable in speaking with God, I’m usually the one who ends up praying – partially because my reflexes aren’t as cat-like as they once were, but mostly because I’m okay with praying in a group.

In truth, for me, my faith is one of the few places where I let people into my life to see who I am – I don’t always let people know my personal stuff (family issues, self-doubts, frustrations, loneliness), so to pray in public is fine with me.  I’d rather be vulnerable and stripped bare in my faith than in other places in my life.  I find comfort in being open in my faith because it’s one place where I know others are uncomfortable and feel just as nervous and terrified and unsure about it as I do, and I know that most won’t judge me for where I’m at in the whole thing.

For the most part I think people enjoy and see the necessity to pray to God; what people don’t always relish is praying in front of other people.  There’s a certain amount of vulnerability involved in speaking to our deity and oftentimes we do it in a very naked way.  In those moments of speaking with God we are stripped of all pretenses, all airs of greatness, all pompousness and we are who we really are apart from everything we’ve made ourselves to be.

To be that naked and that vulnerable with other people can be scary.  That’s where I think a lot of people get hung up when praying out-loud – we’re afraid of judgement.  We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, saying something outlandish or improper, not having the right words or phrases, or not being concise.  We’re afraid that someone will judge our way of praying and we feel that it’s better to remain silent than to be vulnerable.

But by praying together, I hope that these moments can be places where relationships can grow and form and strengthen.  In our most bare times do we find our places of connection.  When someone else in a group prays with me I find a bridge to them – they are speaking to the same God and are giving words to the same feelings and thoughts and emotions I may be having.  In those moments I feel most alive, most connected, and least terrified of being alone.  Praying with others puts me on a team, places me in the hearts and minds of others, drawing me into them and they into me.

My friends, may there never be a moment of nose-goes in your prayer lives!  Pray together and be together.  Let us strip away all of our doubts and fears and be open in those moments of speaking with God as one body.  Let us be free of judgement of ourselves and others and let us grow together, fully knowing God and one another.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Existence.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Existence.

During a recent homework session with a few of my friends from my Biblical Greek class, one of my classmates gave me this flash card.  I’m not sure why exactly she gave it to me, but I’ve kept it and it’s been sitting on my desk for about a week.  I’ve been studying it: the Greek itself is correct, as is the English translation, so I’m not sure why she gave it to me.

But as I’ve been looking at it day after day, I’ve come to the realization that, from time to time, maybe we all feel the need to give a card like this to people in our world.  I think we all have moments when we want to reach out to others and have them see us and acknowledge our existence.

I’m a fairly shy person by nature, and I’d rather be a wallflower than the center of attention in almost any situation.  But, I’d still like for people to, at the very least, acknowledge that I am present and that I exist.  It’s one thing to know that people know I’m there, it’s another thing to know I’m ignored completely.  Truthfully, there are many times when I can come and go from a party, a class room, or a church and no one would ever know I was there to begin with; I was a ghost of a person – my existence (outside of my own knowledge) was never made known.

Now, certainly there is a bit of work to do on my part – I need to at least say hello to a few people, chat up someone, make a joke, talk about the weather – but there also needs to be work done by others as well.  We all need to be intentional in finding everyone at a party, at an event, in a classroom, on the street, or in a place of worship.

One of the greatest things I’ve heard from a friend recently was a comment made towards me: “I see you.”  This shook my core because even though I hadn’t done anything at all, she still went out of her way to acknowledge me as a human being and to confirm my existence.  It was a simple gesture that lifted my spirits in a way that few other things had done that day.

These little gestures of seeing can go a long way to make people feel alive: a simple hello to a stranger in the grocery store, a few small coins given to the panhandler on the corner, a genuine question of “How is your day?” to the convenience store clerk, a smile and wave to a neighbor.  These are simple acts that tell others that we see them, that we know they are, and that we know they exist.

May God give us the eyes and voice to witness others’ existence in this fast-moving world, and may others do the same for us.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Gems

by ShethBeauty / Christianity / Life / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Gems

I picked up this rock last week when I was back in Colorado. It’s nothing much, really – a bit of brown rock with a streak of amethyst running through it. I found it in a tailing pile from an old mine, and obviously it wasn’t worthwhile to the person who was digging in those hills long ago – the amount of amethyst and the quality of the stone is negligible.


When I picked it up off the ground I wasn’t sure what to expect because I couldn’t see much through the dirt and dust. I brought this, and a few other little rocks, back to Texas with me and I cleaned them up a bit – I soaked them in soapy water, scrubbed them with an old toothbrush, and I picked off the loose bits that would eventually fall off anyway. The amethyst itself is not showroom quality and it’s not going to win some fancy award from the American Gem Trade Association (it’s a thing).

But I kind of like this little piece of rock. I like that it’s imperfect and mis-shaped. I appreciate that it was a little dusty and covered with eons of life. While it might be appreciated by some and disliked by others, at it’s core – underneath the mess – is where its true beauty lies. If one looks past the jagged edges and rough exterior we can see something beautiful that wants to be appreciated.

This little rock is a lot like me, truthfully; and probably a lot like you. Most of us are not polished and cut to exacting precision. And we’re probably a little dusty. As painful as it may be to say it, we’re probably disliked by a few people. But deep within us, I know that we all have beauty that the world needs to see. We all have our own amethyst that resides at our core and is the true essence of who we really are. As rough and jagged as we may appear to those around us, our gems are aching to come out.

We need to recognize the beauty that is in everyone. We need to look at others knowing that there is a gem inside of them. But first we need to find that beauty within ourselves. We must acknowledge that when we came into being we were beautiful; even now, with the dirt, the dust, and the roughness, we are still beautiful. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.” Within our desert lives there is a well; within the desert lives of others there is a well. And we must find it! We must find it within ourselves and within others, and bring out the beauty that is within all of us. My friends, go and scrub some rocks, give them a little attention, and discover the beauty that is abounding in those around you!

much love. sheth.

Truth: Be You

by ShethChristianity / Life / Relationships / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Be You

Going into seminary, I knew that people would treat me differently, but I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.  And I didn’t expect people to treat themselves differently.  When I was leaving my job last August I had a conversation with one of the truck drivers:

Him: “You sonofabitch, I heard you were leaving the post office!”
Me: “Yeah, I’m going back to school – I’ll be heading to Austin soon.”
Him: “No shit?!  That’s badass…what are you going to be studying?”
Me: “I’m going to seminary to become a pastor in a church.”
Him: “Oh, wow.  How very nice for you.  I am glad to hear that you will be doing that.  May God bless you on this journey.”

The moment I mentioned ‘pastor in a church’, Marty’s entire demeanor changed.  He stooped a little bit, lowered his head, and brought his hands together as if he was going to start praying.  In that instant he changed who he was – from the Marty I knew (swearing, boisterous, crude) – to this new Marty (proper, clean-mouthed, reverent).  And I didn’t like it one bit, either.

 

Honestly, I don’t like this change that people make when they discover I’m going into a church-related field because they suddenly become someone they’re not.  Marty struggles more to not swear than to swear.  People who haven’t prayed in decades suddenly have an urge to say grace over their meal when I join them at their table.  Friends want to tell me that they have a Bible app on their phone and that they’re trying to read it every day.  The cigarettes are hidden, the beer is tucked behind the leftovers in the fridge, and everyone is so polite and loving.  But it’s all a ruse, and I know it is.

The greatest thing you can do for me, and for your friends who are Christians, is just be you.  Don’t try to save face by pretending to be someone you’re not.  I love you for who you are!  I want nothing more than to meet you right where you’re at in life – praying or not, Bible-reading or not, church-attending or not.  Give me the real you and let me love you as you are, not as you think I’d want you to be.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Exhausted

by ShethChristianity / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Exhausted

I finished my first year of seminary this past Friday, and I’m still at 1% – even after three days of rest.  I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.

I expected a certain amount of mental fatigue since this is the first time I’ve taken a full load of classes in over a decade.  I knew there would be a learning curve, not only with the academics themselves, but with re-learning to learn.  How do I read critically again?  How do I skim 175 pages in two days?  What do I highlight and underline?

I even expected the physical exhaustion because using the brain can pull energy away from the rest of your body.  I have had to think abstractly about the filioque, attempt to use what I learned of an ancient language, write a 54 page report, read the book of Revelation with an open mind, and memorize, memorize, memorize.  And I can’t forget the papers I have had to write.  And facts to recall.  And names of long-dead white men.  And the names of living revolutionary Latinas.  And battlefields in France.

But honestly, I didn’t expect the emotional fatigue.  I was told (as most seminarians have been) that I needed to make sure I didn’t lose my faith in seminary.  I get it – I understand how this can ruin people’s beliefs about God, humanity, and creation.  There are times when I have had serious doubts about the whole thing; I’m sure there will be many more in my near future.  But the emotional fatigue comes from two places: first – in finally discovering who I am and who I can be, and second – learning how broken and needy this world truly is.  It’s exhausting to leave class with a broken heart day after day.  It’s exhausting realizing that I didn’t know that much about the New Testament.  It’s exhausting letting go of long-held beliefs.

For now, all I can do is rest.  All I can do is find comfort in God and what the Divine is choosing to do with me.  I don’t have all the answers (and I for sure won’t ever have all the answers).  But I can sit back, put my feet up, and acknowledge that God is doing something amazing with me even in this moment of being at 1%.  I will find my charging station.  I will find my outlet.  I will be provided with occasions to fill up and give out and fill up again.  May God give us opportunities to give until exhaustion and periods to recharge before giving again.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Companion

by ShethChristianity / Life / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Companion

When someone sees me with my Bible open in front of me they always comment how tiny it is and my reply is something like, “I bought it when I had 21 year-old eyes and could see the print much easier.  Now I have to really work to see the words.”  I’ll hold the book up to my face and squint my eyes ever-so-dramatically to show what it’s like when I read.

I bought this little travel Bible before I went on my first mission trip to Kosovo in 2001 and it’s ventured with me ever since.  Together we’ve ‘hopped the pond’ multiple times, been way down south in Mexico, and even further in to South America.  We’ve made a round trip drive of the Al-Can highway and we’ve spent solitary time in the Valley of the Gods in Utah.  Within five weeks we traveled roughly 26,000 miles through 36 states as I went through a career-crisis and attempted to be a semi-truck driver.

On all of these trips and adventures I’ve brought this Bible with me, but to be honest, even though I had it with me I never read it that much.  I would pull it out now and again, briefly read a short passage or just one verse, and tuck it back into my suitcase.  If anything, I would return to my favorite verses or passages and re-read them, but I would never be in deep study – highlighting and making notes – with this book.

Truthfully, this little Bible has been less about the words that it contained and more about the promise that it held: the promise that God will always be with me.  In all those lonely times, in those times of fear, in those times of desperation and feeling lost, God and this little book have been my constant companions.

I don’t know where we’ll head to next (truthfully, this adventure to the Lone Star State has been a big enough ride for a while), but I keep it with me and hold tight to the promises it holds on my life.  May God always remain close to us in the travels we go on in body, in spirit, and in heart.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Iffy

by ShethChristianity / Life / Quotes / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Iffy

One of the greatest things I’ve discovered in seminary is that among all these future pastors, chaplains, ministers, and leaders, there isn’t a perfect person in the whole bunch.  We’re a little scared of the future, occasionally haunted by the past, continually doubting, and constantly self-criticizing.  We wonder why we were called, whether we’re good enough, how we’re going to make it, and we question if we can even do this work.  We are broken again and again by what we see in the world and we wonder if we can make one iota of a difference.

When I was an adolescent, I had only witnessed pastors and church leaders in their finest moments – proclaiming the word from the pulpit; volunteering to build churches in Mexico; hosting casserole-laden, non-alcoholic potlucks; speaking only positive and uplifting words to the downtrodden.  In my eyes pastors were these great, holy, infallible people who could do no wrong and whom everybody loved.

I never witnessed the brokenness that those pastors experienced.  I never witnessed their crumbling relationships, their mountains of doubt, their fear and frustrations, their depression, their nagging physical ailments, their “iffy-ness”.

I’m no different from my classmates.  I admit that I feel so unworthy to be here and think I will never be prepared enough to go into the work for which I am preparing.  If, for a minute, I step back and think about who I was and what I’ve done in my past, I quickly realize that I’m not the greatest person to be doing this.  There must be someone better than me out in this great big world that is more deserving and better prepared for this than I am.

I suppose I’m writing all of this to tell you the truth about me – and about your pastors, your leaders, your chaplains, your missionaries, your seminarians – we are all just as frail, fragile, broken, scared, unworthy, and doubtful as you are.  And we need each other to make it through this world; your pastors and leaders need your endless love, your unconditional acceptance, and your unwavering support as much as you need theirs.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Words

by ShethChristianity / Essay / Quotes / Truth Tuesday / WritingLeave a Comment on Truth: Words

I’m not proud of it, but I must admit that there are times when I’m really good at tearing people down.  Sometimes I’m mad at the person and will intentionally say something mean or rude that cuts deep and will emotionally wreck them.  And sometimes, in a moment of playfulness, I’ll say something that is taken the wrong way and wounds the hearer.  In the aftermath of both cases I always feel miserable and plead for forgiveness, relationships are mended, and we (hopefully) move on.

This tongue in my mouth can lift people up, or bring them down.  It can encourage or discourage.  It can say something nice, or it can say something mean.  A friend of mine has recently been reminding me that I am in charge of my own body – and this includes my tongue as well, and the words I say.  I am responsible for what exits my mouth.

There’s a certain safety in hiding behind the screen and pecking out some words, some comments, about anything and everything that we come across on the internet.  In an age where we can say anything we want on the internet, it can be easy to let that spill out into real life where people are actually in front of us.  I try to refrain from making any comments online about anything – good or bad – because what I perceive as a joke may not come across as such.  What I perceive as a compliment may not be heard that way.

Both on-screen and off-screen I need to be more attuned to the words I speak, the words I choose to use, the comments I choose to make.  Will what I say uplift the hearer?  Will my words make the situation better?  Will this comment add to something good?  Is this the appropriate time to say this?  Do I need to say this?  Can I find something better to say?  Am I making a positive deposit in this person’s life?  It can be a challenge to wrestle with all these questions in the middle of a conversation, but it’s worthwhile.  If anything, I ask myself what I would want to hear if I were in the other person’s shoes, and then say those words.

Choose good words, my friends, and lighten up this world.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Blinded

by ShethChristianity / Life / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Blinded

Over the weekend, riots in Nicaragua claimed at least 24 souls; a suicide bombing in Afghanistan killed more than 55 people; 4 people were killed by gunfire in Chicago. Not a peep from my lips to the Lord’s ears about any of this.

Sunday morning, April 22, Travis Reinking pulled into a parking lot in Nashville, Tennessee and began shooting, killing four people and injuring at least two others. The news was a blip on my radar that day as I rushed to finish my studies before going to a campus-wide celebration of Earth Day.

Yesterday, April 23, Alek Minassian drove a white rental van down the sidewalk of Yonge Street in Toronto, Ontario, killing (at the time of this writing) ten people and injuring at least fifteen. I winced hearing the report on my car radio as I was driving to the store. I said a quick prayer, and in the same breath, I yelled at the car in front of me for not reacting quickly enough as the light turned green.

Truthfully, I’m disgusted with myself because I don’t bother to acknowledge the lives lost anymore. I don’t pray against the violence in the world, nor do I intercede for the fearful, the tormented, the mourners, the orphans and widows. I don’t cry out as did the prophet Habakkuk, “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence! but you do not save?” (Habakkuk 1:2, NIV)

Over the years I’ve heard countless reports of massacres, shootings, wars, rapes, assaults, abductions, molestations, and genocides. I’ve witnessed, first hand, injustice, food deserts, war zones, child abuse, failing mental healthcare, crumbling schools, and abject poverty. I’ve met souls wrecked by fear, abuse, pain, brokenness, silence, bitterness, and loneliness.

The onslaught I have been witness to has numbed me: I have contracted tunnel vision. As long as nothing happens in my life’s tiny bubble, things are okay. I may occasionally give a cursory nod to the outside world’s troubles, but it rarely goes beyond that. I am no longer disturbed by the evil in this world. Violence is laying claim on my life as a fatality.

Today I pray that I can once again be shaken and broken by the world around me. I pray that I can recognize the evil in this world. I pray that I can cry out against the wrongs committed. I pray that the blinders I have put on may be removed. I pray that I can see; and not only see, but act, and help this world to overcome violence’s grip on life.

much love. sheth.