Category: Christianity

Christianity

Truth: God, esq.

by ShethChristianity / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: God, esq.

Recently, I was speaking with a classmate of mine (a lawyer in her previous life before coming to seminary), and I asked her about the attorneys who advertise on television: “Why are they so loud, and pushy, and overly-aggressive?  They’re portraying this ultra-manliness, this testosterone-filled anger, and they all just want to fight.”

My friend pointed out that most of those lawyers are reaching out to particular clients who are hurt – physically or emotionally – and want the most compensation they can get.  These people who are looking for lawyers want someone that can relate to their anger, their frustration, their rage.  They’re looking for a fighter.

This really does make sense to me – when I needed a lawyer to help me with some stuff, I didn’t want someone who would be meek and mild in front of a judge.  I wanted someone who would be strong, assertive, and would have my very best interests in mind.

Truthfully, I usually want a God who is kind of the same way.  I want a God who’s going to put me first; I want a God who’s going to make sure I’m taken care of; I want a God who knows the system; I want a God who won’t back down.  I want a God that will smite my enemies, vanquish my foes, and raise me up from the valleys.  I want a God like this because it feels like I have to fight a lot – I have to fight to make it academically, financially, emotionally, spiritually.  So, when I feel like I have to fight, I want someone on my team who can fight as well, or better than I can.

But that’s not always the best approach, honestly – both for lawyers and God.  Sometimes things need to be handled gently…sometimes I need a God that will sit me down with my enemies or my situations and mediate.  Sometimes I need a God that will tell me it’s going to be a losing battle and that I need to give it up before I start.  Sometimes I need a God who will refuse my case all together because there’s insufficient evidence, unreliable witnesses, or there simply is nothing to be fighting for.

While God can be big and loud, seemingly shouting from the rooftops or standing in power positions, most of the time we need our Creator to just sit down with us, tell us it’s okay, and give us a hug.  With faith and understanding, may we see God for the wholly-divine, omniscient, omnipotent, ever-loving, strong, passionate, compassionate, and loving Divine that we need.

much love. sheth.

Truth: I Know Best.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Prayer / Story / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: I Know Best.

There’s more to follow, but first, my rendition of Luke 5:1-8:

Jesus was talking to some folks by the Lake of Gennesaret, when, off in the distance he saw two boats near the shoreline.  He walked towards the boats while he continued to talk with the small crowd, and when he approached the boats he stepped up into one of them and asked the owner to put out the boat a bit farther from the shore.  Then Jesus sat down and continued to teach from it.

Simon, the boat’s owner, did what the man had asked of him and he moved his boat a little further off shore.  Simon was stunned that he did what was asked of him, but also confused as to why this stranger decided to use his boat as a park bench.  Simon’s countenance shifted from awe and amazement to contempt, and he glared at the man as he was speaking, waiting for the opportune time to question the man.  “Who does this guy think he is?” Simon thought to himself, “He comes and sits in my boat, has these people following him…traipsing all over my fishing gear, and then he tells me where to go fishing!”

Simon looked at the man, who was grinning and looking back at him.  Jesus wrapped up his discussion then said to the weathered fisherman, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”  Exhausted from the previous night’s expedition, Simon knew better than this man that it was a terrible time and place to fish, “Master,” said Simon sarcastically, “we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t…caught…anything.  But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

With a half-hearted motion to his fellow fishermen, Simon and company let down their nets.  After all the nets were cast, Simon looked at Jesus, “There.  The nets are out.  I hope you’re happy.”  Simon folded his arms onto his chest, “Oh, and thanks for wasting my morning.  I had plans to go into town and take care of some business, but no, this…” he quickly spread his arms wide, gesturing to the water around him, “…is much more productive.”

As he was lowering his arms in frustration, Simon lost his balance – the nets pulled the boat hard, and the fishermen all shouted with a mix of bewilderment and excitement.  There on Lake Gennesaret, Simon and his fellow fishermen caught so many fish that their nets began to break!  He was astonished and looked at Jesus who was grinning from ear-to-ear; Simon weaved his way over to Jesus and fell at his feet.

*****

Jesus comes and sits in my boat telling me where I should go and what I should do?  I know best!…right?  In all honesty, I usually feel like Simon – I see Jesus approaching my life, wondering why he’s hanging out in my boat, and I question his calls for me to act.  I question and wonder and second-guess because I see my life through my own eyes – I’ve been living my life and I know what’s best for me.

If Jesus calls me to help someone, I question whether I’m the best one to help; if Jesus calls me to speak with someone, I question whether I’ll have the right words; if Jesus calls me to lead, I point out others who would be much better for the job.  My life seems to be a series of occasions when I think that God should have arranged things differently.  God should have given me that job, or kept me in that relationship, or provided for me sooner instead of letting me struggle for so long.  In those moments I’ve wrestled with God I think I know what’s best for me.

As much as I think I have all the answers – as much as I think I know when it’s best to wash my nets or go fishing – I don’t know much at all.  When I turn my vision towards Jesus and trust in his calling, when I believe that he knows me best, then my life can only be the best it can be.  I may struggle at times, I may have to learn a few lessons along the way, but Jesus is always there telling me the better way to live.

I can only pray to be less like Simon, and not only have ears to hear God’s voice, but to also have unbound trust in what God is going to do in my life.

much love. sheth.

Truth: No.

by ShethChristianity / Relationships / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: No.

I was working with a mission group in a steamy warehouse near Pristina, sorting out a semi-truck load of donated goods to help those in the war-torn countryside of Kosovo: used men’s size 16 New Balance shoes, a five-foot high pallet of bulk feminine pads, boxes and boxes of clothing, non-perishable food, crib mattresses, and other essential (and non-essential) items.

In the middle of our morning’s work, a man from the nearby village walked up to us and offered up shots from an un-labeled green bottle.  This man was a Serbian and knew we were working with the Albanians, so his offer of a gift was sketchy at best as we were aiding his enemy.  Thinking I’d be friendly and nice – Jesus would have accepted this gift – I took the shot and threw it back.  It burned as it went down, and while it turned out to be a local liquor, the possibility was there that it could have been poison.

It’s not that I didn’t think the potential was there to be drinking poison that day, it’s that I have a difficult time saying no.  I didn’t want to offend this poor man who was offering up a large gift (though small in our eyes).  I didn’t want to look weak in the eyes of my fellow workers.  I didn’t want to portray a Christian that wouldn’t accept a gift.  I didn’t want to say no.

From the Corpus of Contemporary American English, the word ‘no’ is the 93rd most frequently used word in their database of over 450 million words.  In my personal database, it’s used much less frequently.  It’s not that I can’t say no, it’s that I usually don’t.

No is difficult for me to say because I don’t want to disappoint people.  I know how difficult it can be to ask others for help, to offer others something I have, to invite people somewhere, so when I’m given the opportunity, I’ll say yes.  I want to please people, even if it doesn’t please myself.

No is difficult for me to say because I think others have my best interests in mind.  I don’t take advantage of others, so why would someone take advantage of me?  ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world’, right?  If I wish we all had one another’s best interests in mind, shouldn’t I assume others have my best interests in mind?

No is difficult for me to say because I want to discover new things.  I’ve lived my life fairly guarded, so now I seem to be going to the other extreme and saying ‘no’ would defeat the purpose.  Carpe diem!

My saying ‘yes’ to so many things has usually turned out to be a good thing – I’ve learned I enjoy sour cream, halal food, and halibut; I’ve discovered that I’m smart enough to be in grad school, I can learn new things while still holding on to my beliefs, and I can have conversations with others I disagree with and remain friends.  But my inability to say ‘no’ has led to bad relationships, many hangovers, stepping over my moral and ethical boundaries, and has caused me to ruin myself and others in the process.

I wrestle with when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’ because it’s a delicate balance for me – I want to protect myself and my boundaries, but at the same time I want to make others feel loved and accepted.  I don’t want to disappoint, I don’t want to offend – I want to please.  Truthfully, saying ‘no’ is one of the most difficult words to get out of my mouth.

As I move into ministry – and into life – I need to utilize this word more.  I need to make ‘no’ a priority in my vocabulary and protect myself and my boundaries, knowing that it’s okay to say ‘no’.  I might offend some people, I might hurt others, but I need to utilize this tool to keep myself safe, sane, and healthy.  May God give me the courage to place this word on my tongue more often, and may my Creator give me the strength to use it when I need to.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Sin(ful).

by ShethChristianity / Life / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Sin(ful).

.This past week I managed to break seven of the ten commandments (1, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10) and filled out the completion card on the ‘seven deadly sins’. Stumbling upon this list (here) in my wanderings through the interwebs, I could probably check off most of these as fulfilled (I didn’t fact-check this list but it can be viewed more of an example of “sins”). If there were a scale going from the ‘Good Christ-like’ down to the ‘Bad Shitty Christian’, I’d be near the bottom.

When I look back and really study my actions, my thoughts, and my words I realize that I didn’t do so great a job. I put myself before others, I didn’t welcome the stranger, and I didn’t feed the hungry. I used God’s name in vain when I was upset, I have put technology at the forefront of my life, and I have been very unproductive. I’ve shown a few people my middle finger, I’ve gossiped, and I’ve coveted things others have that I don’t. I’ve been overly-proud of my accomplishments at school, stared too long at women, and eaten more than I should have. I’ve skipped out on the sabbath, lied about a few little things, and haven’t called my parents. And honestly, that was probably all just from this past Sunday.

I don’t mean to live my life like this – I’m not intending on being a poor example of what a Christian should be, and I don’t wake up each morning with some nefarious plan in my mind about all the shenanigans I’m going to get into. Each morning I wake up hoping that that day will be a good day and that I can do my best to serve God and others in my actions, thoughts, and words. Then I get out of bed and begin my quick descent into sinfulness.

How is it that I have this desire to be Christ-like, but end up being such a bad example that I should just deny my faith (I’m sure that’s a sin) in order to preserve it’s image for others? I know I can’t say ‘the devil made me do it’ – my 4th grade Sunday school teacher squashed that excuse. And I can’t really blame others for my actions, words, or thoughts – sure, that person may have cut me off on the highway, but they didn’t force me to point at the sky with my middle finger. It’s all on me. I am in control of me and what I choose to say, think, and do.

In my summer Biblical Greek course we translated the Lord’s Prayer found in Matthew 6, and I came to the part where it says, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” The word ‘deliver’ comes from the Greek word rhysai (ρυσαι) and while it can mean ‘deliver’, it can also mean to rescue, to draw to oneself, to snatch up, or to drag from. I relate to that last one, “And lead us not into temptation, but drag us from evil.” That’s usually the case with me – I am continually heading in the direction of evil, but God has to grab me by my shirt collar and drag me back into those Divine arms and hold me tight.

I’m a bad Christian because it’s easy for me to sink into the pit of sin – it’s easy to speak gossip, to swear, to lie, cheat, and steal. I can look at the good that God has for me, but the world and all its temptations are in my periphery. I’m easily tempted and I falter quickly because I’m human. And yet God is right there to grab me and pull me back, gently telling me “Nope, don’t do that” and allowing me to have a conversation before giving me a hug and sending me on my way again. I can only pray that one day I’ll get this being a Christian thing down pat before it’s all over. And I can only pray that God will be there time and time again when I fail time and time again.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Communion.

by ShethChristianity / Love / Relationships / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Communion.

Last night a group of my friends and I came together to send off one of our fellow seminarians who has been called elsewhere.  It’s a challenging situation, and many hearts were heavy because we didn’t want to see our friend leave – we had struggled together through classes and life, sharing in both the good and bad that comes with each new day – it’s like losing a family member.

Our friend’s request before we went our separate ways was for us to break bread together – to take communion as a group.  As my friend talked about why she felt at peace about her calling, a few of us prepared the meal we were about to take, and it was quickly placed before the group.  As seminarians we sort of hemmed and hawed at who should perform this sacred rite: partially because we may have felt unworthy to do such a thing, and partially because we held fast to the belief that only those who are ordained could serve communion.

Most of us who were present had been through our worship class and had learned how to serve communion – the words to be said were firmly in our hearts and minds and the movements were still present in our muscle memory; it is safe to say that we were prepared enough to do this act.  But none of us were willing to step up and do it.  Our friend who was leaving somewhat reluctantly agreed that she would serve the bread and the wine.

And it was the most beautiful and heartfelt meal I have had in seminary.  In those moments, no words of institution were spoken as we all knew them.  No big and flowing actions were completed as the bread was fractured and the wine was poured.  In that moment we were a group of friends – a group of believers – sharing in the love, grace, and beauty of God’s amazing gift to us.  I recognized Jesus in the voices around me as the bread was passed, and I recognized Jesus in the hands as the cup was presented to each of us.

There are moments in church when we say certain things and do certain things to refresh our memories of why we’re doing those things.  We are presented with beautiful prayers and words to mark the importance and full information of why we’re partaking in those actions.  We do all this stuff because it returns us through history to the very earliest churches who met in homes; small groups of men and women gathered together to hear the Word, to offer up themselves, and to eat together.

Truthfully, I believe that’s what made last night so beautiful – we were doing exactly what Christ had instructed us to do, and we were doing it as the early church had done.  There were no boundaries between anyone and the meal and there were no special words to be spoken; last night we were the church.  We were a group of people madly in love with one another, and madly in love with God, sharing a meal together to remember who we are, who loves us, and who our brothers and sisters are in our eyes and in God’s eyes.

I thank God for my friend who is preparing to leave – I thank God for her wisdom, her courage, her strength, her understanding, her compassion and love for everyone around her, and for her willingness to discern what the Divine is saying and to heed that voice.  And I thank God for her desire to break bread with us before she leaves – this moment has solidified our relationship, and I know that no matter where God chooses to place her (or me, or any of us), I know that she and I (and we) are connected forever.

That’s what communion is about – it connects me to God, and me to those who are enjoying it with me.  It brings about the remembrance of the beautiful sacrifice of Jesus, it solidifies our relationship with the Creator, and it unites people who are continually torn apart by society and life.

May God bless and bring peace to my friend’s heart (and mine, and yours), and may we continually remember those beautiful moments of eating together with our (and God’s) loved ones.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Not Praying.

by ShethChristianity / Prayer / Relationships / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Not Praying.

It’s not uncommon for me to hear of requests for prayer, either through the churches I attend, on my Facebook Feed, or through my school’s email list, and I can read anywhere from one to three requests for prayer (or more) per day.  These don’t include the occasional texts I receive from friends or family, and the even rarer in-person requests for me to pray for something or someone.  And I always respond with a fervent ‘Yes! I’d be glad to pray!”  If I’m responding online or in a text, my responses usually include an exclamation point at the end to signify my excitement and urgency in this, my call to action:

Praying for you in this time!
Lifting you up in prayers now!
Going to God with this immediately!
You’re in my prayers today and always!
#praying #interceding #headbowedhandsfolded

But the truth is, my actions usually never go beyond these responses.  While I’m eager to pray and willing to do so, the requests come to my prayer inbox but don’t go straight to my prayer outbox…they just kind of sit there, marked as read and perpetually in limbo for eternity.  I’m terrible at following through in my responses to prayer requests.  Being on the opposite side of the table – the one requesting prayer – I recognize how important it is to know others are lifting me or my issues up to God, and I count on those who respond that they will pray to do as they say.  So why can’t I do it?

I’m not not-praying in some malicious way.  I’m not intentionally telling people I’ll pray and give them hope, only to not pray for them.  I don’t sit at my computer or with my phone in hand replying and thinking (with a Snidely Whiplash tone in my voice), “Ha Ha!  I’ll say that I’m praying, but in reality I won’t think about their injured puppy ever again! Muahahahaha!”

And I’m not not-praying because I don’t believe in the power of prayer, either.  I value prayer and the idea that we can approach God with confidence and humility and present our requests, thoughts, frustrations, ideas, hopes, dreams, fears, and questions.  There’s something deeply reassuring to know that the Creator has time to sit and listen to me and my voice amid the myriad of other voices crying out.

I think my reason for not praying is that these requests tend to show up at ‘inconvenient’ times for me, and my selfishness gets in the way.  I respond with fervor and willingness, but I always back it up with me making a half-hearted mental note, “Hey, don’t forget to pray for Annie’s nephew later…and don’t forget to buy deodorant.”  And I never do it.  My mind moves on to the next thing, the next problem in front of me, the next issue going on in my world and I never return to pray for Annie’s nephew, or my parents’ health, or my friend’s marriage, or teenagers I know who are struggling, or for my country, or for my church home, or for that family who lost their father, or…or…or…

It’s not like I don’t have anything to pray about – I just tend to lose it in the shuffle of my life.  I put it aside for later and never return to it.  And part of why I don’t just pray for it then and there is because I think there are more pressing matters at hand which…which is stupid, because very little of what I ever do is more important than praying.  When I think about it, the things that come into view that keep me from praying are just ridiculous compared to talking to God about Annie’s nephew or that teenager or my friend’s marriage.  Rich Mullins wrote, “…the stuff of Earth competes for the allegiance I owe only to the Giver of all good things…”  And the ‘stuff of earth’ usually wins: Facebook…the news cycle…phone notifications…some TV show…games…a shiny light…there’s so much going on around us to draw me away from getting down and praying in the moment I say I’m going to pray.

Honestly, I’m ashamed of myself for doing this for so long,  I’m ashamed because I have said I’m going to do something and then don’t do it.  I’m ashamed for not putting others before my silly-life-things.  I’m ashamed for not immediately going to God with these requests.  God have mercy on me in the midst of my failures, and may I have the ability to change.  And may the stuff of Earth never take priority over talking with my Creator.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Comprehension.

by ShethChristianity / Essay / Love / Prayer / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Comprehension.

My grandmother’s frail hands slightly shook, uncontrolled, as they waivered over the opened Bible in front of her.  She looked at me, then back to the text, and then back at me.  I could see the frustration in her eyes: she was frustrated because she wanted to talk to me and ask me questions about the book, but she was also frustrated by the book itself.  She pushed her weakened voice until a tiny sentence came out, ragged and quiet, “How do I read this?”

In her 95 years my grandma encountered the Bible many times – she had been to church for nearly all those years, had a close relationship with God, and fostered the love of her Creator in her children and grandchildren.  Over the last few years of her life she occasionally admitted to me that she had struggled in reading and understanding the Bible and all it entailed.  Her beliefs never waivered much, but she wrestled with comprehending the words she read.

In that moment as we sat together in the nursing home, I desperately wanted to say something profound and inspirational to her.  I wanted to say something that would console her in her final weeks on this earth; I thought for a second and blurted out, “Keep doing what you’re doing.  Read, ask questions, pray, re-read, pray, ask questions.  And repeat that again and again.”  I smiled and held her hand, but I knew my answer wasn’t entirely profound, and definitely not inspirational.  I knew that my words frustrated her even more.

It was hard to guide my grandmother at that moment in how to read the Bible because she knew the Bible – she lived out its pages all her life as she fed the hungry and gave to the needy (Proverbs 31:20), raised a good family (Proverbs 31:28), encouraged her friends (Hebrews 10:25), talked with others about God (Mark 16:15), brought my grandpa utter joy and love (Proverbs 12:4), built a strong household (Proverbs 14:1), and tried to understand the Word (Proverbs 1:7).  She wasn’t just a hearer of the word, but a doer (James 1:22).

My grandma sought after God and found what she was looking for in spite of her doubts, fears, and frustrations.  She may have thought she wasn’t doing this Christianity thing right, but she was doing it exactly the way it should be done.  She plowed forward and fought to find God so she could hear that still, small voice in the deserts of her life.  She professed her love of God with her voice, with her smile, with her love for others.  She understood the Bible more than she thought she did, and taught many others around her how to understand it as well.

Truthfully, I would do well to heed the same words I gave my grandma and act as she did because I, too, struggle to understand the Bible.  Despite the classes I’ve taken in (and out) of seminary, I often feel that I don’t know much of anything, and I often wonder if I’m doing anything right.  I suppose part of my struggle is that I want to do everything correctly and honor what I read before I put it into practice, but I’m putting it into practice and not perfection.  I’m going to screw up, I’m going to make mistakes and errors (a lot – trust me, I will), but thankfully God gives me (and you, and my grandma) lots of leeway to try and figure it out as we go.

May we read, ask questions, pray, re-read, ask questions, pray, and re-read the word of God until we comprehend the tiniest of details, and may we act according to what we read, even if we don’t understand fully how to do it.

much love. sheth.

Truth: Flying Solo.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Love / Relationships / Seminary / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Flying Solo.

.In order to shut my mind down at the end of the night, I often imagine myself in certain situations: super-secret spy, lonely drifter, inspirational teacher/coach, or mountain man. This last one tends to capture my interest a lot as I place myself in the wilderness of British Columbia, hundreds of miles from civilization with only a few small items to survive. I usually imagine going to this place to get away from it all and to live my life in peace, seclusion, and quiet.

While my imagination can take with this scenario a thousand different ways, I almost always run into a snag – there are certain times when I need help, either with lifting the beams for my hewn-log cabin, or carrying a moose through the swamplands, or fending off a pack of wolves. As much as I would like to imagine living life in solitude, I still run into the fact that I need others in my life.

I’ve tended to follow this train of thought in my real life as well, “I can do this on my own!” only to realize that a board is too heavy, or my car will fall on top of me, or I can’t face having a difficult conversation alone. The truth is I need people in my life to push me forward, to help me when I need it, to encourage me, to chastise me, to keep me accountable…I can’t do this life alone.

I had a sampling of beer with a friend yesterday and as we were talking about seminary, life, family, and my future, I realized how important this relationship is to me. Over the past week of being back in my hometown I’ve met with seven friends who truly care about me and want to help me succeed. They desire nothing but the best for me and hope I can become the real ‘Sheth’ they know is within me. These relationships move me beyond myself and my selfish thinking (that I can do life alone) and they help me realize that others care deeply about me.

As hard as we try, we need relationships with other people. Recently, I ran across this show “Mountain Men” on the History Channel and it intrigued me for a number of reasons, but mainly that these tough, rugged, scraggly people in remote locations depend on other tough, rugged, scraggly people for their survival. They reach out to one another to hunt, build homes, farm, raise their kids, chase off mountain lions, pick berries, drink wine, laugh, and play games. All people need people.

I’m about to wrap up my time in Salida and probably won’t be back for a few months, but I know I have a large group of people here who will always be there for me, will prod me on in life, and will call me out when needed. And as I return to Austin, I know I have a large group of friends there who will do the exact same thing. I shake my head at my former self for trying so desperately to go at it alone, but now I know the importance of living snd doing life with others.

May God grant us wisdom to reach out for others, and may the Creator place people in our lives who will help us to be who we are meant to be.

much love. sheth.

Truth: In Love.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Love / Relationships / Truth Tuesday1 Comment on Truth: In Love.

I’ve tried to look at myself through God’s eyes, and usually the only thing I can say afterward is, “Ugh…don’t bother.” I know me, the things I’ve done, and the person I am, and I can’t imagine God looking too kindly on me. But the Divine doesn’t have my vision. God knows that I’m not who I think I am – God knows me for who I truly am and keeps close by me: propping me up, giving me food and drink, and helping me through life. God keeps close to me and stays by my side because God loves me – not for anything else, not for any personal gains – the Divine just loves me.

For the past two years my parents and my aunt took care of my grandmother as she lived out her final years in the local nursing home. Essentially a full-time job and taking shifts, the three of them made sure that my grandma’s needs, wants, and desires were met. They gave her more attention, care, and love in one day than most ever receive while coming to the end of their lives in that building. The three of them sacrificed their own wants, their own desires, their own needs for the sake of their mother. They did it because they loved her – not for anything else, not for any personal gains – they just loved her.

Being involved in youth ministry over the years, I have witnessed parents struggle with how to deal with their teenage children. I’ve heard (and continue to hear) countless stories of kids having reckless sex, experimenting with drugs, behavioral issues, academic struggles, broken friendships, betrayal, lies, deceit, manipulation, depression…the list is as long as there are kids in this world. These parents are often at their wit’s end – not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to deal with their children. These parents read books, attend seminars, watch videos, ask questions, and keep their doors (to their houses and their hearts) open for when their kids are ready to return home. They do it because they love their kids – not for anything else, not for any personal gains – they just love them.

I’ve witnessed friendships turn to turmoil as the balance shifts from give and take to just take – one person sapping money, time, and possessions from the other. These friendships were once strong, with each giving and receiving equally with generosity and gratitude, but for whatever reason the relationship devolved into something terrible and greedy. The friend who is taking may not realize that the balance has shifted because there are deeper issues that they’re dealing with. But the giver keeps giving out of love for their friend and hopes that they will return to old times soon. They do it because they love their friend – not for anything else, not for personal gains – they just love them.

Over the past few months I’ve wrestled with love in my own life: I have a friend who became a romance, and while it was well and good, she was not entirely well and good, and wasn’t quite ready for a relationship. As we ended things, I was heartbroken because I had begun to invest my heart in her and had hoped for something more. For me, it’s easiest to end the relationship with a complete omission of that person from my life. But with her, I choose to remain friends and I continue to spend time with her – going to the store with her, meeting her in raggedy bars, studying with her, breaking bread with her, praying with her, discussing books with her, watching bad reality TV shows with her. I remain in her life, and she in mine, because I love her – not for anything else, not for personal gains – I just love her.

Truthfully, love isn’t always hearts and flowers and happy times (though sometimes it is) – usually love is mundane, chaotic and occasionally the undesired things and moments in life. Love is the good and the bad, the ugly and the pretty, the messy and the organized. Love is found in taking care of others, relentlessly holding out hope for the lost, sacrificing self, in waiting, and in being present.

May we love as unconditionally and wildly as we have been loved, and may we never back away from it.

.much love. sheth.

Truth: Breaking Point.

by ShethChristianity / Life / Love / Relationships / Truth TuesdayLeave a Comment on Truth: Breaking Point.

I’ve often wondered if Jesus ever got fed up with the disciples.  Did Bartholomew ask one too many questions, to the point that Jesus just got up and walked away?  Was there ever a moment when Jesus actually called out Judas’ for his sticky fingers in the moneybag?  Did Andrew ever ‘flat-tire’ Jesus, thinking it would be funny, but it only annoyed the Master? When Jesus was questioning Pete about the depth of his love, did Jesus need to ask three times, or was it just because the fisherman couldn’t get the concept?

Certainly, most wouldn’t want to read about Jesus snapping at his closest friends because it seems like that wouldn’t be very “Christ-like”.  But we can’t assume that Jesus allowed everyone to walk all over him in his state of love, either.  There must have been a balance – some way to be divinely loving but still humanly emotive.  He must have had boundaries, coping mechanisms, and friends who knew when to back away and recognize that He needed to be left alone.  I think Jesus demonstrated that the choice to love people is, more often than not, a difficult and trying act.

This past spring I had a flood of emotions as I realized just how beautiful, lovely, and amazing everyone around me is – both to me and to God – and I had a small taste of what God sees both in me and in the world.  But lately it’s been exhausting to just love (and love and love and love) in spite of what others say or do.  Little things annoy me with my classmates, my community, and my world.  Big things dig at me and grate at my patience.  I’m living life on the edge (and not the cool, wicked-awesome edge) of snapping.  Lately I have been wondering a few things: how the heck did Jesus just love others without going off the handle?  How do I balance between loving someone but still not having to like someone (is this even possible)?

My life right now in seminary has often been compared to a family…or a workplace…or a marriage…any way you make the comparison, the fact is that we are a group of people incredibly close together.  We are in class together, we are studying together, we are eating together, we are living together, we are going to the Local together…we are always together.  I imagine Jesus and the disciples in a similar situation.  They wandered Galilee like a traveling football team, but without the proper equipment.  They traveled to various towns performing miracles, feeding people, teaching them, giving completely of themselves and sleeping somewhere in the woods at night.

Truthfully, I think Jesus was able to cope with his disciples because he often went off alone.  He took the time to go do things by himself.  The text in Luke says that Jesus, “…would withdraw to deserted places and pray.”  In our minds I think we picture Jesus in benevolence before his father pouring out his heart about the world and the things going on around him – we imagine the divinity of Jesus in this moment.  But if we switch our minds over to thinking of Jesus’ humanity in this moment, the picture somehow changes and he becomes more like us.  Maybe he withdrew to go fishing; maybe he went off to shout and scream and complain about the disciples to God; maybe he went and just drew pictures in the sand; maybe he went for a hike.  Jesus had the weight of the world on his shoulders and the burden of discipling 12 men – he had a lot on his plate!

Jesus never loved any less in these moments – if anything he loved more because he knew he needed that space to re-center himself and his purpose.  If he was going to be useful, helpful, and a good teacher, he knew he needed some solitary time to do things for himself.  I’m sure in these moments he admitted that he didn’t always like the way Philip drank from a well, or was furious when they all argued over who was the greatest disciple, or was frustrated with people following him everywhere and never giving him a moment of peace.  He might not have liked these things, but he still loved the people.

There will be moments when people really annoy us and when we just don’t like others.  I love my friends, but I still have moments when I think I should just ditch them and start over (and I write this knowing they’ll read this, but they’ll understand).  We all have that point where we need to take a break from others and love ourselves.  It’s the most responsible thing to do, honestly, and it keeps relationships alive.  If Jesus – God-incarnate – needed time away from those he loved, I think it’s safe to say that we have permission to do so, as well.

much love. sheth.